Thrive Boldly: Slow is My Politics—But Connection Has a Need for Speed

The turtle is my spiritual animal. I don’t like speed. If I could, I would slap a “20 is Plenty” bumper sticker on my car with pride. My daughter hides her face in tween embarrassment every time we merge onto a freeway and hit a wild 70 mph—because at that speed, I’m clinging to the slow lane and drafting behind anyone going slower than me. I don’t even mind.

Everyone has their politics. Mine is: Slow the f%k down.

So when my husband was invited to attend a “school of cool”—a racetrack experience where you learn to drive extremely fast down straightaways and slam your breaks just as you hit the tight corners—I asked:Why? Honestly, why? But of course, he lives in total violation of my political values and signed up immediately.

I tagged along, curious and skeptical. After a day of obstacle courses, velocity, and brake burns, I noticed something strange: the group of strangers my husband had trained with were suddenly acting like best friends. There was laughter, fist bumps, back slaps, phone numbers exchanged. It made me wonder:

Why does intensity breed connection? And why, after five years of living next to my neighbors—despite friendly walk-and-talks, shared fences, and a ritual moan over the weather —do we still feel so… separate?

It turns out there’s a reason intensity brings people together. Here’s how our brains react to those intense experiences…

The Neurobiology of Bonding During Intensity

When we move through intense experiences—physical or emotional—our brains release a potent mix of dopamine, norepinephrine, and oxytocin.These compounds are strongly linked to pleasure, heightened alertness, and trust. And when we do it together? Our nervous systems sync. We bond.

It’s the same chemistry that makes bootcamp friends bond for life, or strangers feel united after escaping a stuck elevator.

These situations ignite our heart and gut brains with visceral emotions—fear, excitement, even euphoria. Meanwhile, our head brain steps back from logic and leans into the shared emotional experience—amplified by a synchronized fight-or-flight response.

IIntensity disrupts the ordinary and triggers co-regulation—a neurobiological syncing of states. When we sweat, stress, or scream together (yes, even in a car going 100 mph), our bodies mirror one another. That shared intensity creates a sense of connection and safety. We pick up on each other’s cues—breath, posture, emotion—and our nervous systems align, deepening the bond.

But here’s the twist: Shared slowness can create the same kind of deep connection—if we make it meaningful, embodied, and emotional. Intensity doesn’t always look like speed, thrill, or noise. Sometimes it looks like presence. Stillness. A conversation that lingers. A meal that’s savored. A walk where no one checks their phone. A moment when you really see someone—and let yourself be seen.

The neurobiology of connection doesn’t just respond to adrenaline. It responds to attunement. When we’re truly with someone—mirroring breath, matching pace, syncing nervous systems—that’s co-regulation too. That’s bonding.

Our three brains—head, heart, and gut—light up when we feel safe and emotionally present. Shared slowness invites all three to soften, synchronize, and trust. It’s not about the pace. It’s about the presence.

So yes, adrenaline can bond. But so can long silences on a porch. Or slow mornings with pancakes. Or a walk in the woods with someone who listens.

Intensity isn’t always fast. Sometimes it’s just being fully alive, together.

Three-Brain Pizza: Slow the F%k Down Edition

Gluten-free cauliflower and almond flour crust

Ingredients:

• 1 medium head cauliflower (about 4 cups riced)

• 1/2 cup almond flour

• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan or nutritional yeast

• 1 egg (or flax egg for plant-based)

• 1/2 tsp sea salt

• 1/2 tsp dried oregano

• Optional: 1 clove garlic, finely minced

Instructions:

1. Prep the cauliflower: Chop into florets and pulse in a food processor until it looks like rice.

2. Steam or microwave the riced cauliflower for 5–7 minutes until soft. Let cool slightly, then use a clean towel to squeeze out as much liquid as possible (this step is key!).

3. In a bowl, mix the cauliflower, almond flour, egg, salt, oregano, and garlic.

4. Press the dough onto a parchment-lined baking sheet into a round or rectangular shape, about 1/4 inch thick.

5. Bake at 400°F (200°C) for 20–25 minutes until golden and firm.

Sauce: Homemade slow-simmered tomato sauce with olive oil, garlic, basil, and a touch of anchovy (optional for umami and heart-healthy omega-3s)

Ingredients:

• 1 tbsp olive oil

• 2 cloves garlic, minced

• 1 can (14 oz) crushed tomatoes or 2 cups fresh tomatoes, chopped

• 2 anchovy fillets (optional, or use 1 tsp miso for plant-based)

• 1/2 tsp sea salt

• 1/4 tsp black pepper

• Handful of fresh basil, torn

• Pinch of chili flakes (optional)

Instructions:

1. In a saucepan, heat olive oil over low-medium heat. Add garlic and anchovy, stirring until fragrant and anchovy melts (about 1 minute).

2. Add tomatoes, salt, pepper, and chili flakes. Stir and bring to a gentle simmer.

3. Let it simmer uncovered on low for 20–30 minutes, stirring occasionally until thickened.

4. Finish with torn basil and a swirl of olive oil.

Toppings:

• Wild mushrooms (brain-boosting adaptogens)

• Arugula (nitrate-rich for blood flow)

• Fermented red onions (probiotic-rich for gut-brain signaling)

• Goat cheese or cashew cheese (lower inflammatory load than cow dairy)

• Optional: 1 egg cracked on top for choline & B vitamins

Bake at 450°F (230°C) for 10–12 minutes until the crust is crisp and the edges of the cheese are golden.

Drink Pairing:

Sparkling Ginger + Lemon Tonic

Mantra:

“Slow the F**k down.”

Music Pairing:

“Night Owl” by Alice Phoebe Lou

Want to drive fast? Go for it. Want to live slow? Me too.But whatever speed you're living at—make it real, embodied, and shared.That’s what bonds us.

The turtle knew all along. Go slow. Feel it all. And do it together.