Thrive Boldly: When the Stakes Are High: Caring for Yourself While Caring for Others

“This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.” — Unknown

Right now, I’m in the trenches. My parents, one navigating the tides of mental illness, the other losing their grip on memory to Alzheimer’s,

need me in a way they never have before. I’m doing my very best to show up with love, clarity, and determination to protect their dignity and safety in these final chapters. And yet, my body and mind is quietly breaking under the weight. I am finding green beans in my spice cabinet and cinnamon in my refrigerator.

My Oura ring tells the truth I try to avoid: four hours of sleep, readiness score at 70, a higher than normal heart rate, a lower than normal HRV and an everything-exhausted kind of fatigue that words can’t quite hold. My Oura ring tells me sweetly that I should rest today - take it easy. I wonder if it’s secretly organizing a meal train via its Uber Eats friends. (Totally unnecessary - I’ll be okay, I assure it.)

The Neurobiology of Stress

Stress isn’t just a feeling, it’s a physiological storm. In high-stakes caregiving, your brain-body system operates on red alert. The head brain (cephalic brain) floods with cortisol and adrenaline, priming you for action but compromising memory, decision-making, and sleep. The heart brain (cardiac brain), where empathy and intuition reside, may feel like it’s carrying more than it can bear - you can actually feel it breaking.. The gut brain (enteric nervous system), your center of intuition and immunity, is often the first to rebel—through digestion issues, food sensitivities, or a tightening that feels like grief made physical.

Enter Ayurveda: Medicine of Balance

“In every moment, the Universe is whispering to you. You are guided to where your soul will be soothed.” — Lalah Delia

Ayurveda—Sanskrit for “the science of life”—is a 5,000-year-old system of natural healing from India that sees health as a dynamic balance between the body, mind, spirit, and environment. Rather than treating symptoms in isolation, Ayurveda invites us to understand the deeper rhythms of our nature and live in alignment with them.

In Ayurveda, we are made of the same elements as nature—earth, water, fire, air, and ether. These manifest as the three doshas Vata, Pitta and Kapha. These are energetic archetypes that shape everything from your digestion to your emotions to how you respond to stress.

• Vata (air & ether) — movement, creativity, flexibility

• Pitta (fire & water) — metabolism, intensity, focus

• Kapha (earth & water) — stability, nourishment, groundedness

While we each carry all three doshas, most of us have one or two that are dominant. During times of emotional upheaval, imbalance of the dominant dosha is inevitable.

I’m Vata by nature, airy, quick, always dreaming. But during conflict, Pitta takes over. I become sharp, overly driven, and inflamed both emotionally and physically. That fire, unchecked, leaves me depleted. To feel like myself again, I must return to balance.

Ayurvedic Ways to Rebalance During Crisis

If you’re a Vata (like me) under stress:

Vata is ruled by air and ether—movement, imagination, quick thinking. But in times of prolonged stress or grief, that lightness can spiral into anxiety, overwhelm, and total depletion. You may feel like you’re floating without a tether, racing thoughts, unable to sleep, digestion out of sync, skin dry, and emotions unpredictable.

Here’s how to return to the ground—body, heart, and soul:

1. Nourish Through Food:

• Favor warm, moist, oily meals that stabilize and hydrate the nervous system. Think kitchari, root vegetable stews, roasted squash with tahini, or porridge with ghee and cinnamon.

• Avoid dry, raw, cold foods like salads, crackers, and smoothies—these can increase Vata and further unground you.

• Add warming spices: ginger, cinnamon, cumin, fennel, cardamom.

• Sip hot herbal teas throughout the day (like chamomile, licorice, or tulsi) to soothe and hydrate.

2. Create Sacred Routine (Dinacharya):

• Wake and sleep at regular times—even if sleep is elusive, keep the rhythm.

• Begin the morning with warm lemon water and gentle stretching or yoga.

• End the day with calming rituals: foot massage, soft music, and no screens for an hour before bed.

3. Ground Through Touch & Movement:

• Practice abhyanga, warm sesame oil self-massage, before your shower. Move slowly, especially around joints and belly.

• Choose slow, intentional yoga—yin, restorative, or gentle Hatha. Long holds, deep breaths.

• Let go of pushing. Instead, surrender into the support of the floor, the mat, your breath.

4. Wrap Yourself in Comfort:

• Surround yourself with warmth: soft textures, cozy socks, plush blankets, warm baths with essential oils like vetiver or lavender.

• Light candles in the early morning or evening for a return to ritual and rhythm.

• Use grounding scents like sandalwood, myrrh, patchouli, or frankincense.

5. Protect Your Energy Field:

• Limit overstimulation: reduce news, social media, chaotic environments.

• Say no to unnecessary conversations that drain rather than restore.

• Seek quiet connection instead of surface chatter.

6. Anchor Your Mind:

• Journal your thoughts but don’t get lost in them—write, then pause.

• Use mantras, prayer, or breathwork to bring your energy inward.

• Let music, poetry, or gentle storytelling bring you back to your body.

7. Let Yourself Be Held (Metaphorically + Literally):

• Lie down with a warm pillow or weight on your belly—it signals safety to the gut brain.

• Let someone cook for you, hold your hand, or bring you tea. Receiving is medicine for Vata.

If you’re a Pitta under stress (high conflict, burnout):

Pitta is governed by fire and water—sharp, focused, driven, and determined. Under stress, Pitta flares. You may feel hot, irritable, easily frustrated, critical of yourself and others, and physically inflamed—heartburn, skin breakouts, tension headaches, or burning digestion.

Pitta imbalance is especially common when there’s a sense of injustice, conflict, or a need to fix everything perfectly. Sound familiar?

Here’s how to cool the fire:

1. Soothe with Food:

• Favor cooling, hydrating foods: steamed greens, cucumbers, cilantro, coconut, aloe vera, basmati rice, sweet fruits like melon or pears.

• Avoid spicy, fried, fermented, or acidic foods (no chilies, tomatoes, onions, coffee, or alcohol during flare-ups).

• Enjoy bitter and astringent tastes—like kale, dandelion greens, and pomegranate.

• Cook with cooling spices: coriander, fennel, mint, turmeric.

2. Invite Softness & Flow:

• Let go of high-performance exercise and embrace flowing, moderate movement—think swimming, nature walks, tai chi, or moon salutation yoga sequences.

• Practice moon breathing (chandra bhedana) to cool and calm.

• Take breaks during the day to do nothing. Literally: nothing.

3. Stay Close to Water & Nature:

• Water cools fire—swim, soak your feet, take cool baths with rose petals or mint.

• Step outside and sit under a tree or walk barefoot in grass.

• Seek beauty: flowers, art, sunsets. Beauty is a balm to the Pitta heart.

4. Create Spaciousness:

• Allow room in your calendar and your thoughts.

• Avoid over-scheduling. Let go of needing to be in control.

• Try journaling with this prompt: “What can I let burn away that no longer serves?”

5. Use Cooling Oils & Aromatherapy:

• Coconut oil for abhyanga (especially on the scalp, temples, and soles of feet).

• Essential oils: rose, sandalwood, jasmine, vetiver, lavender.

6. Protect the Heart Brain:

• Practice forgiveness and compassion—especially toward yourself.

• Unburden yourself from the need to be “the one who holds it all together.”

If you’re a Kapha under stress (grief, stagnation):

Kapha is made of earth and water - steady, nurturing, enduring. Under stress, Kapha can collapse inward: emotional heaviness, sluggishness, lethargy, foggy mind, water retention, and emotional eating or withdrawal. This often appears when grief or prolonged caregiving turns into over-nurturing others while neglecting yourself.

Kapha doesn’t just break, it dampens, slowly.

Here’s how to reawaken and mobilize your inner fire:

1. Ignite with Food:

• Favor light, warm, and spicy foods to stimulate digestion and mood.

• Incorporate dry cooking methods—grilled veggies, warm broths, light soups.

• Use invigorating spices: ginger, black pepper, cinnamon, turmeric, cloves.

• Minimize dairy, heavy carbs, sugar, and overly oily or salty foods.

2. Move to Stir the Stagnant:

• Choose energizing, stimulating movement: brisk walks, dancing, vinyasa or power yoga.

• Begin the day with sun salutations and upbeat music.

• Practice breath of fire or kapalabhati to wake up your system.

3. Change the Scenery:

• Rearrange a room. Step out of routine. Travel—even if just to a new coffee shop or park.

• Clear clutter—mental and physical. It lifts fog from the head brain.

• Take short, energizing breaks throughout the day: brisk walk, lemon water, uplifting conversation.

4. Uplift with Stimulating Rituals:

• Dry brushing before showering to awaken lymph and energy.

• Diffuse bright oils: eucalyptus, lemon, rosemary, basil.

• Dress in energizing colors—reds, oranges, golds.

5. Stoke Emotional Resilience:

• Avoid emotional hoarding. Let tears fall, then move.

• Journal with this prompt: “What weight is no longer mine to carry?”

• Connect with those who inspire action, not just comfort.

6. Reconnect with Purpose:

• Kapha needs meaning to rise. Revisit your why.

• Volunteer. Mentor. Share. Purpose is a powerful stimulant.

Bare Minimum Care for When You’re Running on Fumes (Tridoshic Support)

You don’t need to fix everything right now. You just need to come home to yourself. Here’s a simple, gentle routine that works across all three doshas—Vata, Pitta, and Kapha—especially when you’re too depleted to figure out which one needs what.

1. Warm Nourishment (Gut Brain Support)

• Eat something warm, easy to digest, and lightly spiced: Think kitchari, congee, or a sweet potato soup with ginger and cumin.

• Add a spoon of ghee or sesame oil—it soothes the nervous system and supports digestion.

2. Hydrate & Soothe (Heart Brain Support)

• Sip warm herbal tea: Try tulsi, chamomile, fennel, or cinnamon.

• Add a pinch of sea salt and a slice of fresh ginger if you’re feeling spacey or cold.

3. Oil + Touch (Gut & Heart Brain Rebalancing)

• Rub a little warm sesame or coconut oil on your feet, ears, and the back of your neck.

• Wrap yourself in a blanket and feel the weight and warmth soften your edges.

4. Breathe or Hum (Head Brain Reset)

• Close your eyes and take five slow breaths into your belly.

• Or hum gently—like a bee—on the exhale (this activates your vagus nerve).

5. Rest Without Guilt

• Lay down. Ten minutes. No phone. No pressure.

• Let your body feel that it is safe, supported, and allowed to slow down.

The Brains Begin to Rebalance

As the doshas shift toward balance, your gut brain reawakens with vitality and digestive ease. Your heart brain, especially heavy or fiery under stress, becomes more attuned and resilient. And the head brain—often hijacked by stress hormones—begins to regulate again, restoring perspective, decision-making, and peace.

When your elemental nature is honored, your whole system begins to whisper: I remember who I am.

Coming Home to Your Three Brains

When you begin to rebalance your doshas, something magical happens. Your gut brain settles and digestion becomes more efficient, improving serotonin production. Your heart brain softens—grief becomes less jagged, more fluid. Your head brain clears, making space for wiser decisions and deeper sleep. Each of the three brains begins to hum in harmony again—not in perfection, but in presence.

Recipe:

Sweet Potato & Coconut Stew (Tridoshic & Grounding)

Ingredients:

• 2 tbsp ghee

• 1 tsp cumin seeds

• 1 tbsp fresh grated ginger

• 2 sweet potatoes, diced

• 1 cup red lentils

• 1 can coconut milk

• 4 cups water or broth

• 1 tsp turmeric

• Salt to taste

• Fresh cilantro, lime to serve

instructions:

Sauté cumin seeds and ginger in ghee. Add sweet potatoes, lentils, turmeric. Pour in coconut milk and water. Simmer 25–30 mins. Top with lime and cilantro.

Drink Pairing:

Ashwagandha Rose Moon Milk

• 1 cup warm almond milk

• 1/2 tsp ashwagandha

• 1/2 tsp cinnamon

• 1/2 tsp rosewater

• Honey to taste

Blend, sip slowly before bed, wrapped in something soft.

Mantra:

“I can carry this with grace, but I will not carry it alone.”

Repeat it gently while placing a hand over your heart. Let the body soften into trust.

Music Pairing:

“Weightless” by Marconi Union for Vata

“Om Shanti (Peace)” by Deva Premal for Pitta

“I Am Light” by India.Arie for Kapha

(To be fair, they are all beautiful for all doshas.)

If you’re walking through something heavy right now, know that survival is not the only goal. You’re allowed to find balance, to nourish, to seek comfort. And when you do, your inner systems—the ones that keep you alive and connected—will begin to trust that you’ve got this, even when it’s hard.

You’re not alone. I see you.

Curious about your dosha?

If you’re not sure whether Vata, Pitta, or Kapha feels most like you, there are free dosha quizzes online that can offer insight. Look for ones from trusted Ayurvedic sources like Banyan Botanicals, The Ayurveda Experience, or Chopra.